Traveling in Africa as a queer couple is challenging but possible. Recently someone asked me what it was like to travel in Africa as a queer person. Growing up, traveling the world, I always told myself I would never visit countries that don’t support gay people, where it was illegal to be gay and sometimes punishable by jail time. I thought, why put myself in harm’s way AND support a country that doesn’t support me? Well here we are, 10 years later traveling through African countries that don’t support gay people. I’m here to give you my first hand experience traveling as not only a queer person, but as two people in a gay relationship. Spoiler alert: it’s doable!
When we first started to even consider traveling to a country where it was illegal to be gay, we did a whole bunch of research. I’m talking hours upon hours of reading blogs, talking to other people and scouring government websites. I learned a few things here, firstly, SOO many blogs talking about whether or not it’s safe to travel as a queer couple to Islamic countries, or any countries for that matter, were written by straight people! Yes, straight people who have no first hand experience on the matter!! This made me so mad. And honestly, I didn’t feel I could trust the information being said. Yes, there are laws. Yes, the government doesn’t condone same sex relationships. Yea you’re right, being openly gay in a public place that doesn’t condone same sex relationships… probably not the best idea. But it’s not impossible, just be respectful that’s all anyone is ever asking.
Here’s what I mean, if you’ve decided to take the leap and explore the magnificent cultures Africa holds in store for you, there are a few things you can do to keep yourself safe while acknowledging and respecting the culture of the country you are visiting.
1. Respect the local culture
You’re in someone else’s house now, don’t walk into their house expecting to change their ways or push your beliefs on them. If you’ve gotten this far and you’ve decided to visit a country where being gay is not allowed, your first and most important step is to simply respect that. Don’t go out expecting to find gay bars, other gay people or even just queer allies. On this trip, you’ll essentially be going back in the closet. When we first started traveling, we took all the safety precautions around this we could, to the point where at times it wasn’t even enjoyable anymore. Why were we here if we couldn’t be ourselves? Well, if you’ve already made the decision to be here, just remember this trip isn’t about you — otherwise you wouldn’t be here. This trip is about exploring the culture of the country you are in. Meeting the people, seeing the landmarks, enjoying the weather. Maybe this is just your beach vacation, but if you came for easy and you’re reading this article, you’ve probably picked the wrong country. Challenging experiences are often the ones you learn the most from, and there’s something magical about that.
2. Stay Cautious & Avoid Public Displays of Affection
Keep the love between you and your partner. Here’s what I mean, I’m not necessarily telling you that you need to tone down your relationship, but it might also be wise to not throw it out there on full blast either. Unless you are 110% confident in the person you are about to disclose personal information to, you tell them that you’re just friends. Most people won’t even begin to think twice about you and your partner as anything more than friends. I’m 100% sure gay people exist in the world of Islamic culture, but whether or not they are accepted will never be something I will be able to speak to. But majority of the time, queer people are not accepted. But this is actually in your favour. Remember, the only person who knows you’re gay, is you. No one here is going to say “oh I bet that’s a gay person” as long as you’re not being obnoxious and pushing your queerness on anybody, no one cares. I really mean that.
3. Change your lock screen
I’m guilty of this one, who else would be on my lock screen than my fiancé?? This is such a simple thing to do to keep peace of mind. While you’re traveling you never know who is leaning over your shoulder, it happens more often than you think. Don’t give anyone an excuse to think you’re a couple, not that many friends have each other’s photos on their lock screens, so don’t be that person.
4. Keep your social media private
Don’t share your social media with locals. We were surprised how many locals in Tunisia wanted our social media to keep in touch. There are a few options here, as you may very well want to keep in touch with the other person as well. Set your account to private and accept their request after you have left them or even better, left the country. Share your WhatsApp number. Everyone uses WhatsApp, I mean everyone except the good ol’ Americans. Sharing your WhatsApp is a great way to stay in touch without sharing photos of your partner and you.
5. Opt for two beds in a room
Really want to play it safe? Opt for having 2 beds in your hotel rooms. Now, when we first started traveling in Africa as a queer couple we were on top of this. All the time, if there were options for 2 beds I would make sure we got the 2 beds. If the only cheap option was 1 bed, I’d make sure the hotel knew I was slightly uncomfortable with this. Now you may ask, why not just get 2 rooms, save the hassle? We’re budget travellers through and through, one massive perk of traveling as a couple is splitting the accommodation cost and I’m not about to give that up. But, I will say now that we have spent some time in Islamic countries and have had the realisation that no one really thinks twice. We have started to only get one bed, unless someone specifically says something along the lines of, ‘oh you probably need two beds, huh?’ then I will never argue with that. Besides that one time, no one has ever batted an eye on ‘two friends’ sharing a bed while traveling together. But to each their own, and it’s probably best to play it safe.
6. Take consciousness of your home life
If you live together back home, be aware of how that may come off to people. I hate lying, I refuse to make up a story about how we don’t actually live together when that’s not really the case. Just say you are roommates, best friends, etc. You obviously share a life with your partner and when you travel it’s really easy to bring up all the memories and stories of things you’ve done together. Don’t be afraid to hide those stories or feel like you can’t share because it might give off couple vibes. Best friends travel together too! And as I said before you’re in a place where it’s so uncommon to be openly gay, no one will stop to think otherwise.
It’s important to note, that so far, there has never been a moment where Haley or I have felt unsafe in our travels — solely because we are gay. Do you know why? Because no one knows, were not shouting from the roof tops about our gayness, holding hands or being all lovey dovey in public.
Traveling to countries where it’s illegal to be gay, in my opinion, is totally doable! Take the same safety precautions you would take traveling to any country and just be a bit extra vigilant. Have fun, and when in doubt, get out!
